


Deadname

by Dreaming_of_Fairys



Series: When We Take Different Paths [5]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brotp, Coming Out, Friendship, Gen, Gender Identity, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Rogue, Other, Rogue/Juvia/Gajeel brotp, Sibling Bonding, Trans Character, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, WWTDP, the stingue is only mentioned really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-03 06:09:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16320593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreaming_of_Fairys/pseuds/Dreaming_of_Fairys
Summary: The name Rogue Cheney is famous in Fiore. However, Rogue's old name from their childhood still follows them thanks to their "sworn brother" Gajeel Redfox and their friend Juvia Lockster. Realizing that it's been far too long now, and that every use of that dreaded name hurts them, Rogue decides it's finally time to come out to their old friends from Phantom Lord, despite how terrifying it is...





	Deadname

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone :) This is for the WWTDP prompt “Pronouns” but I decided to name it “Deadname” instead because it’s a better title.
> 
> This takes place after Tartarus if there was no one-year timeskip and everyone stayed in the fairy tail guild. Also, I want to comment that I know the determined canonical thing for Rogue’s name is that Ryos is the nickname, but for the sake of this already canon-divergent story, I’m swapping it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

The party is in full swing, mages from both Sabertooth and Fairy Tail drinking, dancing, and playing various gambling games. Every month since the games, Sabertooth invited Fairy Tail over for a party. It helped both guilds: Sabertooth wanted to thank Fairy Tail for all they’d done to help them reform, and Fairy Tail loved partying as well as hanging out with friends from other guilds.  
  
Currently, the strongest members of Sabertooth are catching up with the Fairy Tail member they look up to. Sting and Natsu are at the bar, throwing back drinks and rambunctiously laughing about stories of their guildmates’ antics. Rufus and Freed, sitting on the outskirts of the room drinking wine, are discussing some ancient book Rufus had discovered in Sabertooth’s library. Orga and Laxus sit near them, most of their discussion revolving around how nerdy their boyfriends are as they get more than a little tipsy. Across the way, Yukino, Minerva, Lucy, and Erza talk quietly but happily, enjoying seeing each other after a long month.  
  
Sitting a few tables away from them, Gajeel, Juvia, and Rogue chat over drinks about their recent jobs. The three of them were close, having been in Phantom Lord together all those years ago (even if Rogue was more of an unofficial member). At the ball after the games, Gajeel had pulled Juvia aside and re-introduced her to Rogue. The reunion had been surprisingly heartwarming, Juvia hugging Rogue and sobbing in relief. _Juvia had wondered what happened to you, Ryos. Juvia is so glad you are alive and well._  
  
Gajeel grins, holding his beer stein in his hand as he finishes telling a story, “-and then Salamander burned a huge hole in one of the tables. Makarov made him pay for it.”  
  
Rogue chuckles softly. “We also have a lot of destructive guild members. I suppose it’s something that comes with power.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah,” Gajeel chugs some beer. “Or just idiocy. I don’t destroy much. What about you, Juvia?”  
  
“Juvia tries not to damage anything,” she replies softly.  
  
Gajeel turns back to Rogue. “I’ve heard of some the shit you’ve done with Sting. The two of you really are a perfect match, huh Ryos?”  
  
Ryos. It is the fourth or fifth time Gajeel or Juvia had used that name just this evening. The name Rogue is trying to forget, to erase from history. That name is not Rogue’s. Not anymore. Not ever again. And yet...Rogue is afraid to tell them. Because with saying that came an explanation...saying that meant Rogue had to come out.  
  
That thought filled Rogue with dread. Most of Sabertooth knows, as Sting switched what pronouns he used immediately after Rogue told him, and in turn everyone had caught on. But Fairy Tail is still in the dark. Some of them have probably figured it out, perhaps those who openly identify as LGBT+ themselves like Freed or Cana, but not many.  
  
Coming out to Gajeel and Juvia would mean opening up the floodgates. Everyone would know, and they’d know soon. Did Rogue really want their gender identity to be some big deal public thing everyone was whispering about like it was in the latest tabloid magazine? Or worse, did Rogue want to take the chance that someone may not approve? Gajeel can be terrifying and intimidating. Even when Rogue looked up to him as a child, Gajeel’s presence made them nervous. If he disapproved...how would Rogue ever be able to look their ‘sworn brother’ in the eye again?

When Rogue finally snaps out of their thoughts, they find Gajeel and Juvia staring at them. Both of their eyes are crinkled with concern, and they’ve both leaned closer to Rogue. “Ryos?” Gajeel frowns. “You okay, kid?”

There it was again. _Ryos._ Rogue’s throat feels tight, as if they forgot how to breathe. It takes a moment before they can force themselves to speak. “P-Please...stop calling me that.”

Rogue watches Juvia raise her eyebrows in surprise, and Gajeel’s body tense slightly. They were going to ask why, Rogue knew they were, and then they’d have to explain, they’d have to say-

“Does it really bother ya that much?” Gajeel folds his arms across his chest.

Rogue nods quickly, their palms starting to sweat. Juvia’s eyes don’t leave Rogue’s face, watching them carefully, as if trying to see right through them.

Gajeel laughs, a friendly, teasing sound. “Heh, well sorry, kid, it’s an older brother’s job to embarrass the younger brother. So I’m gonna keep callin’ you Ryos.”

_Brother. Ryos. Brother. Ryos. Brother. Ryos-_

“STOP!” Rogue suddenly screams, bile rising in their throat, their ears roaring with noise like the incoming tide, body shaking as they rise to their feet. The room goes quiet, people turning around in their seats to look at Rogue.

Rogue digs their nails into their palms, trembling violently, feeling ready to cry. They drop their head, bangs falling in front of their eyes as they look down at their feet. “I-I’m not kidding, Gajeel. Stop it. Th-That name is not mine. N-Not anymore.”

Gajeel’s expression changes, this one clearly reading _oh shit._ He sighs and looks up at Rogue. “Sit down...you’re causin’ a scene, kid.”

“Ry-Rogue…” Juvia corrects herself in time, a bit choked up. “Talk to us…”

Rogue’s world spins around them. Their face is pale, their eyes are watery, and their fanged teeth dig painfully into their lip. Their legs turn to jelly beneath them as they fall back onto the bench, hands dropping onto the table, clenched so tight Rogue’s knuckles have gone white.

_Fear. True, uncontrolled fear._

“I...I can’t,” Rogue breathes. “I c-can’t do it...I can’t explain, I’m…”

 _‘Everyone’s looking at me…’_ Rogue’s pulse quickens even more. _‘They’re all listening. I can’t say it here…’_

_‘I can’t say it at all.’_

“HEY!” Gajeel barks, slamming his hands on the table and standing up for a moment. “WHATCHA ALL STARIN’ AT, HUH? MIND YER OWN DAMN BUSINESS!”

A few people murmur in protest, but everyone turns around and goes back to talking and partying. Gajeel growls and sits down, looking at Rogue protectively. “Damn nosy idiots. Is that better?”

Rogue lifts their head and meets Gajeel’s eyes, surprised that he’d known what part of the problem was. “Gajeel...thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem.” He looks at Rogue quizzically. “Now what the hell’s goin’ on with you? Recently you’ve been actin’ really weird. Are you feelin’ okay? Did somethin’ happen?”

“We’re here for you…” Juvia says, reaching across the table to put a hand on top of Rogue’s.

Rogue takes in a slow, deep breath, thinking about all the ways this could go terribly, horribly wrong. Yelling, hatred, violence, rejection… All of it made Rogue want to stand up and run, or sink into their own shadow and wait there until they were forgotten. Sometimes they wish they could spend all of their life in the shadows, a featureless form, a silhouette. No face, no name, no gender… Just a shadow on the wall...solitary...silent...safe.

_‘Spit it out. Say it. No need to shout, to scream...but be resolute. Don’t be afraid, Rogue, be proud of who you are...and share your true self with them.’_

Chewing on their lip, Rogue’s eyes remain downcast. “I...don’t go by Ryos anymore because…” They take a deep, shuddering breath. “Because...I’m not a man. I’m nonbinary. My name is Rogue now because it has no binary gender attached to it…” Rogue picks at their sleeve, “I’m not…” They trail off, struggling to find a way to explain it. “I’m just...Rogue.”

“ _Oh_ .” Gajeel’s voice is laced with surprise, and Rogue can’t bring themselves to look up to see his face. “So me calling you Ryos...actually _hurts_ you? It’s not just embarrassing?”

Rogue nods quickly.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Gajeel swears. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Shit, Ry- Rogue, this whole time…”

“We didn’t know,” Juvia whispers, her voice trembling slightly. “J-Juvia is sorry…”

“I don’t blame you for it,” Rogue replies softly. “I was afraid you wouldn’t understand, or would hate me…”

“Like hell I could hate ya,” Gajeel chokes up slightly. “You may be a little punk sometimes, but you’re like my younger…” He trials off for a second, then ends with, “...sibling?”

Slowly, Rogue lifts their head to meet their friends’ eyes. Juvia’s deep blue eyes are watery, a single tear sliding down her cheek. Gajeel isn’t crying, but his pale face and worried, guilty expression speak volumes.

“Yeah…” Rogue’s lips curl into a shaky smile. “Sibling works just fine…”

Gajeel and Juvia breathe sighs of relief and share a glance. Rogue’s chest floods with warmth. They feel some of the tension in their shoulders release, and their smile widen.

“So, if you’re not a man, then how do we refer to you?” Juvia asks them, breaking the silence after a long moment.

“Ah…” Rogue rubs the back of their neck. “I know it might seem strange because it’s a plural pronoun being used as a singular one, but I use the pronouns they/them…”

“Like…’they told Juvia their name’?” Juvia questions. “Juvia doesn’t find that too difficult.”

“Yeah, that’s not weird,” Gajeel agrees. A grin spreads across his face. “Gihi...I think it suits ya. You’ve always been a mystery, haven’t ya, Rogue?”

_Juvia doesn’t find that too difficult._

_That’s not weird._

_I think it suits ya._

_Rogue._

“I suppose I have,” Rogue smiles, a weight lifted from their chest. Tears swell in their red eyes before they can stop them, and they quickly wipe their eyes with their sleeve. “Ah...sorry-”

“No need to apologize, kid,” Gajeel reaches across the table and ruffles Rogue’s hair. “I know it’s hard for ya.”

“Thank you for telling us…” Juvia says, wiping away tears as well.

“Thank _you_ for listening and accepting,” Rogue replies, reaching across the table to take one of each of their friends’ hands.

Gajeel and Juvia glance down, and Rogue realizes neither of them had noticed Rogue’s black nail polish until now. Rogue sees smiles on their faces, and it fills Rogue with relief and joy. Despite it being such a little detail in an otherwise big moment, knowing that it doesn’t bother their friends is a huge relief. Sometimes, after all, people are okay with the idea, but not when you actually start following through.

Rogue opens their mouth to say something when suddenly a familiar, pink-haired idiot flies through the air. The trio barely has time to yank their hands away before he crashes into the table, clothes and hair smoking.

“GRAY, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!” Natsu roars, standing up on the table and making a fist, fire erupting between his fingers. “I’M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THAT!”

Gajeel, seething with rage, punches Natsu hard to the ground. “OUT OF THE WAY, YA BASTARD! YOU’RE INTERRUPTIN’ SOMETHING IMPORTANT!”

Natsu whirls around, blood dripping out of his nose. “OH, YOU WANNA GO, GAJEEL?!”

“YOU FUCKIN’-” Gajeel lunges at him with an attack, and the two of them fall onto the ground punching and screaming at each other, smoke and the sound of clanging metal filling the air.

As the sound of the fight continues in the background, Rogue shakes their head and smiles at Juvia. They're a weird group, for sure, but they've got their own version of normal that is, quite frankly, superior and more interesting than anybody else's. As Rogue shrugs off their cape they feel lighter, like it’s easier to smile. They exhale, take a drink, and watch the morons fight, feeling better knowing that they're a different sort of normal too.


End file.
